The Fear of Looking Foolish

or, Why I Haven't Posted More This Semester, and Why That Was a Bad Idea.

This semester has marked the most recent chapter of the adventure of growing up (technically that would make this a coming-of-age story). One of the challenges to face this semester was getting my blogging done. As you can see, I haven't overcome this challenge quite as well as we all could have hoped.

There are, of course, some reasons for this. The first was described on Annette Lyon's blog as, "Resistance, which can show up in any form to keep me from getting my work done, whether it's puttering around online or getting caught up in the daily drama of life or whatever else (that "other else" often being, at its core, "I'm actually scared to work on that")." I have this problem too. Actually, I have a very severe case of this. I've wasted several entire days searching for something to read in order to avoid doing my homework. (By the way, Annette Lyon's the author who attended that one class I went to in order to recruit people to work on our collaborative novel.)


I think the core of my "Resistance" stems from fear. I'm afraid that I have nothing to say that will really contribute to the online conversation, and one of my life mottoes has always (that I remember) been, "If you can't say something intelligent, don't say anything at all." I'd also suggest as a motto this quote by Abraham Lincoln, "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt;" or perhaps one of those famous quotes: "Never say anything that doesn’t improve on silence…Richard Yates" or perhaps, "We need a reason to speak, but none to keep silent…Pierre Nicole;" or, "I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm…Calvin Coolidge;" or even, "Be silent and safe, silence never betrays you…John Boyle O’Reilly."

Of course, nowadays part of my mind goes to one of the monsters of Doctor Who called The Silence when I hear the word "silence." I'd put a picture of them up, but they're really ugly. The Silence are supposed to be a monster that cannot be remembered once you look away, but their instructions can be remembered. They're one of the most terrifying Doctor Who monsters ever, and they've kind of ruined the word "silence."

Sorry about the digression. I was about to continue on why I'm sometimes uneasy about posting on my blog. It seems like everything you say and do and write can and will be held against you at some point, and things that are published (even online on a free blog) are more authoritative and lasting than words or a paper that is handed to your professor and then handed back without anyone else judging. I suppose I also worry that things published online can be permanent, and that even if I took down the original, there could be a copy out there of my thoughts and contemplations.

I don't usually share my opinions unless they're specifically asked for, and even then I frequently try and dodge out of giving an answer that shows much of my personal thoughts and opinions. The idea of blogging, and sharing my personal thoughts with everyone who stumbles across my blog--it's a bit daunting.

Ironically enough, when I do put something up I check how many hits my post has gotten maybe every half hour or so that I'm online for the next couple of days.

The Reasons Why My Silence Was a Bad Idea

Blogging was one of the things I was expected to do for my class. Staying silent does not protect you from bad grades when the point of the class is to be part of the conversation.

We've also talked a fair amount in class about social proof. If you post frequently, and comment on other people's posts frequently, then you are more likely to see the benefit you can provide to the online conversation, and you will be able to make a more meaningful contribution to that conversation. Staying silent only is useful when you're actually listening, and you're more likely to listen well if you intend to make some sort of response later.